BRUSH WITH A BASILISK, by Gilderoy Lockhart
by aims80
Summary: ** COMPLETED ** Gilderoy's memory is back, and this is his take on the events down in the Chamber of Secrets. Please R&R.
1. Preface: All about me

__

This book is dedicated to myself, the bravest, best wizard I've ever known.

-G.L

Preface: All about ME.

Full name: Gilderoy Ghangis Lockhart. 

Age: Now that would be telling my secret wouldn't it? 

Hair: A lovely shiny blonde-brown colour, and no, I don't colour my hair; I was just born with naturally great hair.

Eyes: Forget-me-not blue. 

Height: A strapping six feet three. 

Educational Qualifications: Six OWLS and six NEWTS from "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" followed by a master's degree in "Defence Against the Dark Arts".

Non-Educational Qualifications: Order of Merlin, third class. Honorary member of the Dark force Defence League. Five times winner of _Witch Weekley's _Most Charming Smile Award.

Favorite colour: Lilac. Although I am also partial to turquoise. 

Ideal birthday gift: Harmony between both magical and non-magical people. Although I certainly wouldn't say no to a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey.

Secret Ambition: To rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions.

****

Note: These questions could be important for the "discussion questions" at the end of the book……..


	2. Chapter 1: My first meeting with the fam...

Chapter One: My first encounter with the famous Harry Potter, and his faithful sidekick Ronald Weasley.  
  
I wasn't planning on announcing my new position so dramatically at my book signing. In fact Albus Dumbledore and I had agreed that it would be best NOT to announce it until the students returned to school, as it could cause quite an excited furore that the students would be better off without. It was only a few weeks before the school term was due to begin that I was approached by the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with the offer of taking up the position of "Defence Against the Dark Arts" teacher there for the coming year. As any wizard or witch worth their due will tell you perhaps one of the most important subjects to be taught to young witches and wizards is DADA. It is important to know how to defend oneself from some of the terrible and terrifying creatures, which dwell within our world. And therefore I considered it an honor to be asked to take this class. And no doubt Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster, considered it an honor that someone of my class and pedigree would agree to take up something as humble as a teaching spot. After all a man such as myself could command, and receive, far more money doing other things.  
  
I wasn't at all surprised at the amount of people who turned up to my book signing; after all I am very popular. The owner of the bookshop was looking harassed when he came out the back to where I was waiting to make my grand entrance.  
  
"That bloody crowd." He complained. "They're like a pack of vultures, all jostling and arguing over who had what spot."  
  
I favored him with one of my largest smiles. "And I thank you very much for agreeing to host this book signing. I'm sure it will be mutually beneficial since there is no doubt you'll sell a lot of my books during the day."  
  
He sighed. "I've already sold a lot of your books in the lead up to it." He admitted.  
  
"There you are my good man!" I said clasping him on the shoulder. "Exactly what I told you when I first proposed this."  
  
"I had no idea it would be so big though." The man grumbled. "We're having trouble holding them back. If we're not careful sooner or later one is going to break through the crush and come and grab you and plant a kiss on your cheek, or declare their undying love."  
  
I laughed half-heartedly. The idea of one of the witches getting through and touching me was far from appealing. In fact it was downright disgusting. I know perfectly well I shouldn't say that, after all my fans are the ones who allow me to sell as many books as I do, but I prefer to keep myself to myself, sort of like an enigma, a mystery to the fans even.  
  
The clock struck twelve thirty and I got up from my chair and checked my image in the mirror. Hair- perfect, teeth-perfect, smile-perfect, robe- perfect, overall-perfect. The shop owner proceeded me as we walked out of the back room and onto the stage which had been specifically set up for me. There was a table on the stage and different photographs of me smiled from it at the huge line of people down below. As I walked onto the stage they all began to scream and clap, and I gave them all a big smile as I sat down.  
  
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" The shop owner yelled over the noise. "May I welcome Gilderoy Lockhart to 'Flourish and Blotts' where he will be signing copies of his latest book 'Magical Me' for the next four hours. If people could remain in the line and behave in an orderly manner this will be a lot easier for Mr. Lockhart."  
  
And then the circus began. The first witch upon onto the stage was an elder one, with three of her front teeth missing, and her gray hair straggly and unattractive. But I still managed to give her a big smile. "How are you today?" I asked as she handed me a well-worn copy of "Magical Me."  
  
"How am I?" She managed. "I'm wonderful now I've seen you. I haven't been able to sleep for days in anticipation of this."  
  
I nodded as I signed my name in gold with a flourish. "Yes, I can tell. Let me tell you something my dear lady, try teabags under the eyes, plain, common muggle ones. They get rid of some of the bags. I've used them before an important photo shoot myself." I said, handing her back her copy of my book.  
  
She looked delighted. "Thank you so much Mr. Lockhart. I'll treasure that tip, and this book, forever." She said, clutching it to her as if it were a lifeline.  
  
I smiled. "I am sure you will." I said.  
  
The shop owner gently steered her off the stage and the next witch stepped up. She was younger this time, and more attractive. She handed me her copy of "Magical Me" and asked whether I could sign it to Anika, with love from Gilderoy. I winked at her. "No problems for someone as pretty as you." I said. As I signed I asked her "Who's your favorite celebrity?"  
  
"You are." She assured me. "I voted for you in every witch weekly contest!"  
"Good, good." I said as she was maneuvered off the stage.  
  
Next up was a tired looking witch and her two children. The children looked as though they'd rather be anywhere than here, and the witch looked as though she wished they were anywhere but there. "I especially liked your guide to making household chores easier. With two kids to look after I don't have much time." She confessed to me. "And my husband, bless him, he works such long hours."  
  
"Mmm-hmmm." I murmured in what I hoped was a soothing voice. Honestly the problems the witch was having with her time didn't bother me in the least.  
  
"If only he were more like you.." The witch sighed, taking the book I'd signed from my hand. "I don't suppose you're married Mr. Lockhart?"  
  
"No." I said. "No time." What I actually meant was it was hard to find a woman who would love me as much as I loved me.  
  
"Ah well...we can dream.." The witch took her children's grubby hands in hers and moved off the stage.  
  
I stifled a yawn: I'd done book signings before so I knew how boring they could be, but I also knew it was very important to let your fans think you liked them. A glance at the clock told me I'd only been there five minutes. I stifled another yawn thinking of how long this day was going to end up being as the next witch came up to me crowing about how much she enjoyed this new book and how she'd already read it about five times, but she never, ever got sick of it. And how she had also lent it to her mum who was as delighted with it as she was.  
  
"That's great to hear." I said smiling at her.  
Towards the end of my book signing people were beginning to get impatient, and I couldn't blame them- I wanted to go home myself. I noticed a man taking photographs out of the corner of my eye (luckily he was on my good side!), and I noticed him push a young red haired kid out of the way to get a better shot. "Out of the way there," He snarled. "This is for the Daily Prophet."  
  
"Big deal." The kid muttered rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it, and giving him a look which indicated he didn't care who it was for. My eyes wandered to the kid on his other side. I didn't need any time to realise who it was standing there: the scar on his forehead gave it all away. It was none other than the famous Harry Potter, perhaps the one person in our world more famous than me, although had I been a little older when Voldemort was terrorising our world there is no doubt that I would have been able to stop him myself! In my mind I saw the front page: Harry and I. So I leapt to my feet shouting, "It can't be Harry Potter?"  
  
The crowd parted whispering in excitement. I hurried forward to grab Harry's arm and pull him up on the front. This act brought nothing but applause from the crowd. "Nice big smile, Harry" I told him as the photographer snapped away. "Together you and I are worth the front page."  
  
The look which crossed Harry's face indicated he didn't want to be on the front page with me. I supposed being so famous on his own he's not used to company. When I let go of Harry's hand as the photographer finished his photos he tried to hurry away to his friends, but I threw an arm around his shoulders and wouldn't let him escape. He'd have to get used to being second best now I was going to be at Hogwarts, that was for sure. No mere kid could match my exploits that was for sure. I decided then, on a whim, to announce my new appointment at Hogwarts.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen." I waved for silence and got it almost instantly. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time. When young Harry here stepped into 'Flourish and Blotts' today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography- which I shall be happy to present him now free of charge- he had no idea that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, 'Magical Me'. He and his school fellows will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" The crowd cheered and clapped, although I noticed that neither Harry, nor his redheaded friend looked too happy at the prospect. This further reinforced my view that Harry was used to being the only celebrity at Hogwarts, and his little friend reveled in the attention it brought him. Well they were just going to have to get used to it, I thought as I presented Harry with my entire collected works. He staggered under their weight as he left the stage. I saw him dump them into the cauldron of another redhead, this time a girl. I frowned slightly. The ungrateful brat didn't even want my books. He clearly thought he was far better than me, but he'd be in for a shock when we got back to Hogwarts. After all, did he have all these women crowding to get his autograph? I didn't think so! 


	3. Chapter 2: My fame spreads as the school...

[A/N. This story is not going to be a very long one, probably no more than ten chapters, as it is just about the events of the second novel from Gilderoy's perspective. Some things are skimmed over, but that's, in my opinion, Gilderoy for you: after all if he wasn't the star, who cared right? And writing this story doesn't mean I'll neglect my other stories, in particular my Snape one since that is my favorite story, and probably more important to me than this one.]  
  
Chapter two: My fame spreads as the school year begins, and some people don't like it much.  
  
"I'm going to catch that boy if it's the last thing I do." I heard the potions master, Severus Snape, mutter. It was the first day back at school and most of the students were in the great hall eating, but since I'd been preening before the mirror I was running a bit late and I met Severus pacing on the steps by the entrance hall.  
  
"Catch whom?" I asked interested.  
  
"Potter." Severus spat the name out as though it had a bad taste. "And his little friend Weasley. The two of them are more trouble than they are worth. Well they'll be expelled for this mark my words."  
  
"Why? What have they done?" I asked, trying to appear casual, and not too interested.  
  
Severus handed me the "Evening Prophet" in silence. On the front page large headlines screamed "FLYING FORD ANGLIA MYSTIFIES MUGGLES." The article went on to explain that muggles in different parts of the country had reported seeing a flying car. "Very interesting, but what's this to do with Harry Potter?" I asked.  
  
"It was Potter and Weasley flying the car. I suppose taking the train is too good for people like them." Severus explained, with a frown. "And the worst thing Gilderoy is that Potter's been breaking rules since he got here and getting away with them too."  
  
I nodded knowingly. "I suppose famous people do get away with a lot more than others." I offered.  
  
"Well they shouldn't!" Severus replied angrily. "And this time they're not going to!"  
  
I nodded again and decided to go in to dinner. As I sat down to eat I thought about the incident. It didn't surprise me to hear that Harry would do something as dramatic as this. He was probably threatened because with me being here he wouldn't be so famous, so he had to come up with something good. When I got a chance I was going to have to give him a few tips about being famous and how he should handle it. After all, he hadn't seemed at all comfortable with fame at the bookshop the other week.  
  
*****  
  
"Unbelievable." Severus muttered a few hours later, as he came into the staff room, slamming the door behind him. "They flaunt law after law and then end up only with detention."  
  
"Harry and his friend?" I asked looking up from the book I was reading.  
  
"Yes, Potter and Weasley." Severus replied, dropping into a chair angrily. "If they were in my house they'd be out of here before you could even blink."  
  
"Detention hmmm?" I repeated thoughtfully. If I requested that Harry spend his detention with me it might be a good chance for me to have a talk with him. I'd have to tell him that just because someone more famous than him (me) was here it didn't mean he had to resort to doing things to try and get attention.  
  
"That's what I said." Severus replied, and then he straightened in his chair. "Gilderoy- what's that book you're reading?"  
  
"Oh this," I shook the book. "It's something called "The golden world of Gilderoy Lockhart", written by a witch who was clearly a fan of me."  
  
Severus looked incredulous. "Are you seriously reading a book about yourself?" He asked.  
  
"It's important to know how other people view you- especially when you're as famous as I am." I replied haughtily, and I went back to my reading. Snape made a funny noise and then left the staff room, and I got comfortable in my chair with my book. I glanced up at the door through which he had exited with a small smile. I guessed he was just annoyed that nobody had written a book about him, but then he wasn't as famous as me, was he?  
  
*****  
  
"Careful there now Sprout." I said as the Whomping Willow aimed a particularly vicious blow at me.  
  
She shot a dirty look in my direction. "I know perfectly well what I am doing without your..ah..assistance Gilderoy." She said.  
  
"I don't mind." I assured her. "I think perhaps you've wrapped this bandage here a little tight Sprout my girl." And I unwound the bandage a little, much to Sprout's horror.  
  
"Gilderoy, don't." she cried, but I didn't listen to her. She probably didn't want anyone to know that I could doctor a Whomping Willow better than her. The Whomping Willow, with its branch now bandaged less tightly, waved the branch about happily. And then it waved it a little too far, hitting me squarely in the chest. I fell over and crawled out of the way of it.  
  
"I guess its happy to be free." I suggested, and Sprout raised an eyebrow as she gathered the last of the bandages up into her arms.  
  
"I guess it is." She agreed as we walked away from it, down towards the greenhouse. I noticed that the second year students were gathered around waiting for Sprout and I gave them all a cheery wave.  
  
"Oh hello there!" I called. "Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to doctor a Whomping Willow! But I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is. I just happen to have met several of these exotic plants on my travels..."  
  
"Greenhouse three today chaps!" Sprout called interrupting me.  
  
I noticed that Harry was in the group along with his friend, and I saw the dubious look he gave me. As he walked past me I grabbed his hand. "Harry! I've been wanting a word with you- you don't mind if he's a couple of minutes late do you Professor Sprout?"  
  
Sprout shrugged looking a bit annoyed about something. Probably the heat. "That's the ticket." I said shutting the greenhouse door.  
  
Harry was standing there looking surprised and curious by the whole thing, making me shake my head. "Harry, Harry, Harry." I said.  
  
Harry's expression didn't change and he didn't speak. I suppose he knew what I was going to say and didn't want to hear it.  
  
"When I heard- well of course it was all my fault. Could have kicked myself." I said, with a sigh. "Don't know when I've been more shocked. Flying a car to Hogwarts! Well of course I knew at once why you'd done it. Stood out a mile. Harry, Harry, Harry."  
  
Harry looked as though he were about to speak, so I quickly continued. I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to be ashamed of being less famous than me, and that it wouldn't change the way people felt about him, but I didn't. Instead I said, "Gave you a taste for publicity didn't I? Gave you the bug. You got onto the front page of the paper with me and you couldn't wait to do it again."  
  
"Oh-no, Professor, see-" Harry began but I interrupted him, reaching out and grabbing his shoulder.  
  
"I understand. Natural to want a bit more once you've had the first taste- and I blame myself for giving you that, because it was bound to go to your head- but see here young man, you cant start flying cars to get yourself noticed. Just calm down all right? Plenty of time for all that when you're older. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking! "It's all right for him, he's an internationally famous wizard already!" But when I was twelve, I was just as much of a nobody as you are now. In fact, I'd say I was even more of a nobody! I mean, a few people have heard of you haven't they? All that business with He Who Must Not Be Named." I glanced at the scar on Harry's forehead. "I know, I know, it's not quite as good as winning Witch Weekly's most charming smile award five times in a row, as I have-but it's a start, Harry, it's a start." I gave him one of my largest smiles and a hearty wink and hoped he understood what I was trying to say, and then walked off back towards the castle. I didn't want to have him causing trouble all year trying to upstage me because he was used to being the famous one, that was for sure! 


	4. Chapter 3: My second encounter with Harr...

Chapter three: My second encounter with Harry as his head grows even bigger by the day.  
  
It was a gorgeous day outside as I strolled the grounds hoping my tan would get a bit deeper. A darker tan sets off my hair and eyes much better than pale skin does. I thought about the events of the last few days. Most of the time was spent getting to know the students and the school. A few students stood out in my mind for particular reasons. Harry Potter obviously for being a fame hungry kid who needed to be taken down a peg or two. Sure he might not know any better, but who better to guide him through the experience than someone like me? His friend Ronald Weasley, who'd I learnt wasn't like Harry, who was part of a large family who didn't earn much money. And then there was their friend with the bushy hair, who apparently was one of the best students Hogwarts had ever seen, although I hadn't taught any of them yet.  
  
I glanced over to my left and then stopped. Standing in a bunch were a group of Slytherins and Gryffindors. I noticed that Harry was amongst them. Malfoy, a Slytherin with pale skin and a pointy face smirked. "Weasley would like a signed photo Potter. It'd be worth more than his family's whole house." Ron whipped out his wand then, but before he could do anything Harry's friend with the bushy hair glanced up from her book and muttered something at him. The wand was put back in his robes.  
  
"What's all this? What's all this?" I asked as I moved into the group. I saw Harry make a face and move away out the corner of my eye, but for the moment I pretended not to have noticed him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"  
  
Then I turned to Harry who started to speak, but I didn't give him the chance since I was sure he'd deny it or something like that. I flung a friendly arm about his shoulder mentally deciding that my little talk with him earlier had clearly not worked. "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again Harry!"  
  
Harry squirmed but my grip was firm. I wondered what I should do now since he hadn't seemed to get the message that certain actions were not prudent at this time in his life. I also wondered-briefly- if it had been my appearance at Hogwarts which had led to his dramatic actions of recent times. Spotting Creevey, another Gryffindor standing nearby with his camera in his hand I beamed in his direction. "Come on then, Mr. Creevey. A double portrait and we'll both sign it, can't say any fairer than that, and we'll both sign it for you."  
  
Creevey fumbled for his camera excited, knowing that this was one heck of a photo he was being offered. As he took it the bell rang for afternoon classes. "Off you go, move along there." I called, and the crowd began to disperse, and with it Harry. I hurried to join him as we walked up towards the castle. In what I hoped was a fatherly tone, rather than that of a teacher I said to him, "A word to the wise Harry, I covered up for you back there with Creevey- if he was photographing me too, your schoolfellows won't think you're setting yourself up so much.."  
  
Harry tried to protest but I didn't believe him- I'd heard the evidence with my very own ears- Harry had been giving out signed photos of himself to his many fans among the students. I hadn't known his head would grow that big, and wished I'd spoken franker when I first advised him. "Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible- looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go. But I don't think you're quite there yet." I let go of Harry as we reached my classroom and he went back to his friends. I waited for the whole class to be seated before I cleared my throat loudly. Silence fell and I reached over to the nearest boys copy of "Travels with Trolls" where my own portrait winked from the front cover.  
  
"Me." I said winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart. Order of Merlin third class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly's most Charming smile award- but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her." A few people smiled weakly. I pointedly looked at Harry, hoping he was taking all this in, that I was the famous one here and his head better start shrinking soon.  
  
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books-well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about- just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in..." I handed the papers out and gave them thirty minutes to complete it. I noticed Harry roll his eyes at Ron, but I chose to ignore it. Whilst they completed their test I continued reading the book on me I had been reading the other day. When the thirty minutes was up I collected the papers and began to check the answers. I have to admit I was pretty disappointed at the answers: It seemed to me as though next to nobody had read the books or even if they had they didn't remember much. Then I came to one which made me smile.  
  
"..but Miss Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions- good girl! In fact-" I turned the paper over and scanned the other side. "Full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"  
  
Harry's bushy haired friend slowly raised a hand. "Excellent! Quite excellent. Take ten points for Gryffindor. And so...to business.." I lifted a covered cage onto the desk. "Now- be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourself facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am in here. All I ask is that you remain calm." I moved my hand dramatically over to the covering of the cage. "I must ask you not to scream. You may provoke them." I whipped the cover off the cage with a flourish to reveal "Freshly caught Cornish Pixies."  
  
One of the Gryffindor students let out a snort of laughter.  
  
"Yes?" I asked him with a smile.  
  
"Well they're not- they're not very- dangerous are they?" The boy choked.  
  
I glanced quickly around the room. Rather than looking scared by the pixies they looked amused. I saw Harry peeping around his books at the cage with a smirk on his face, and I saw his friend Ron, give him another funny look. I had to admit I felt rather annoyed at seeing this. "Don't be so sure." I told them, trying to remain casual in my tone. "Devilish tricky blighters they can be!" Nobody's expression changed and I sighed inwardly. "Right then. Let's see what you make of them!" And I pulled the cage door open.  
  
The pixies shot out happily, one of them raced towards my photos, two grabbed one of the Gryffindor students by the ears and whisked him into the air, another couple shot through the window, and others were emptying ink, ripping books and other things. The class crawled under their desks to shelter from the pixies.  
  
"Come on now, round them up, round them up, they're only pixies.." I shouted at the class, but nobody moved from under their desks. I sighed and rolled up my sleeves and waved my wand shouting "Peskipipski Pesternomi!" Unfortunately it had no effect as the nearest pixie seized my wand and threw it out the window. I dived under my own desk then, and watched as the pixies continued to wreck havoc on my classroom. This was meant to be a test for my students to see how brave and smart they were, but none were budging. The bell rang and there was a mad rush towards the door. I jumped up too, but I wasn't in time to intercept any of the students. I turned towards the remaining students: Harry, Ron and Hermione who weren't quite at the door yet. "I'll just ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage."  
  
They didn't look too impressed at this plan but I left the room in a rush not giving them a chance to say no. That would teach Harry I thought with a wry grin. After all they had to learn to confront certain creatures, and that was my job as teacher here after all. The fact that it was bigheaded Harry was simply a bonus in my mind. 


	5. Chapter 4: My attempt to put Harry back ...

Chapter four: My attempt to put Harry back in his place.  
  
As you know when Snape told me about Harry's detention I immediately decided it would be a good idea for him to spend it with me. I decided to show him some of the pitfalls of fame. Seeing him handing out signed pictures of himself the other day troubled me greatly and I wanted him to know he could perhaps be a great wizard one day, but he had to grow into it. Whilst I waited for his arrival I started reading some of my fan mail:  
"Dear Gilderoy,  
  
I have read every one of your books at least ten times, but I think perhaps my favorite of the lot is probably "Voyages with Vampires." The way you dealt with the vampire was so amazing. I've never heard of a wizard as brave as you- nor as handsome, but I am sure you know that.-"  
  
I sighed as I balled the letter up and threw it in the bin. "The way you dealt with the vampire was so amazing..you were so brave." I said out loud, in a mock falsetto tone. "Great Scott I never knew it would be like this- that it would go this far." When I was a child attending wizard school I wasn't much of a wizard- my charms spells were disasters, my potions were dangerous. In fact I wasn't much of anything, and always my older brother Leroy was there, smiling at me and telling me one day I'd get it right. I suppose many younger siblings have something of an inferiority complex though, don't they? Now I was so famous I wondered sometimes whether he regretted being nice to me, and whether he knew that indirectly the idea for my fame was his?  
  
Footsteps coming along the corridor alerted me to Harry's impending arrival, and I hurried towards the door. When the knock came I opened the door almost at once. "Ah, here's the scallywag! Come in, Harry, come in." I noticed Harry glance around my office, and saw a strange look cross his face when he saw the signed pictures of myself hanging on the walls. I imagined he was thinking of when he'd have an office like this, with his pictures everywhere. On my desk lay two piles: one was pictures I was in the process of signing, and the other was envelopes.  
  
"You can address the envelopes!" I told Harry, in what I hoped sounded like a grand voice- like I was doing him a favor by letting him address the envelopes. I wanted him to get annoyed by the end of the detention and perhaps realise there was more to fame than met the eye, and that he didn't have to keep trying to outdo me. "The first one's to Gladys Gudgeon, bless her- huge fan of mine." I tried not to shudder as I said that. In my opinion I had too many letters from the annoying old witch, all gushing over me like I was some piece of meat. The very idea of fat Gladys thinking that made me feel sick.  
  
As Harry got busy addressing the envelopes I started signing pictures often with large love hearts, and things like Dear Samantha, my number one fan, or Happy birthday Ellen. I sighed occasionally, wishing that this was one chore I didn't have to do, but my objective was certainly not to let Harry think that, it just wouldn't do. "Fame's a fickle friend, Harry." I said putting aside another signed picture. "Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that." I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye when I said that but he didn't seem to be listening. His head was dropping over the addresses he was writing and he looked bored more than anything. He just didn't realise how lucky he was that was all- I never had anyone around to help me when I was starting out, nobody to advise me and tell me what it was like being famous.  
  
"Ah," I muttered. "This one's for Elisha Smithers, one of my biggest fans for sure. She actually bought three copies of Year with the Yetti- one for me to sign, and one to keep in pristine condition, and one for reading. Would you believe it? I wonder how many copies she has of Magical Me? Maybe I should ask her, and since it is my most popular book to date- sold over a million copies already you know-"  
  
Harry jumped all of a sudden. "What?" He asked loudly.  
  
I looked at him, a bit surprised by his reaction. Of course it was good news having a book that popular, but his reaction still confused me. And then I realised he might have been shocked at the amount of books I'd sold. "I know! Six solid months at the top of the bestseller list! Broke all records!"  
  
"No," Harry said somewhat frantically. "That voice!"  
  
"Sorry?" I asked wondering if he really had lost his marbles, as there was no voice around other than my own. "What voice?"  
  
"That- that voice that said- didn't you hear it?" Harry asked looking worried.  
  
I was now sure Harry'd gone crazy. Maybe all the addressing of envelopes from fans of me, not him was pushing him over the edge? "What are you talking about Harry? Perhaps you're getting a little drowsy." I cleverly substituted the word drowsy for crazy and glanced up at the clock out of interest. "Great Scott- look at the time! We've been here nearly four hours! I'd never have believed it- the time's flown hasn't it?" I began to pack up my stack of pictures. "But Harry you shouldn't go being naughty again just because this detention wasn't so bad. I know this was something of a treat for you, but it won't be like that always."  
  
Harry nodded, and then hurried out of the room looking distracted. I sighed as I made my way up to my bed. I didn't know whether Harry had got out of the detention what I had intended, but I sure hoped so. I was beginning to get a bit sick of the famous Harry Potter and his attitude that was for sure. Maybe if he kept on misbehaving it was time to come down a little harder on him? 


	6. Chapter : My concern as the “Chamber of ...

Chapter five: My concern as the "Chamber of Secrets" is opened and I realise I might have to be the one to deal with it.  
  
"My cat! My cat! What's happened to Mrs. Norris?"  
  
I heard the shrieks from the staffroom where I was dozing after I had ate a lot at the Halloween feast. I sat up straight in my chair, and my eyes opened. Across the other side of the room Snape laid his book down. "What-" He began but the same voice continued to screech.  
  
"You! You! You've murdered my cat!" The person, who I recognized as the caretaker Mr. Filch, continued. Snape and I hurried from the room, with Minerva McGonagall at our heels as the yells continued. "You've killed her! I'll kill you! I'll-"  
  
"Argus!" Dumbledore, who seemed to have appeared from nowhere, said firmly, as we came out into the hall. His eyes traveled upwards and we followed his gaze. Hanging from the torch was Mrs. Norris the caretaker's cat, indeed dead. And then written on the wall were the words "THE CHAMBER HAS BEEN OPENED. ENEMIES OF THE HEIR BEWARE."  
  
Dumbledore reached up and detached Mrs. Norris from where she was hanging. "Come with me Argus. You too Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger."  
  
I couldn't resist and I hurried over to the headmaster. "My office is nearest Headmaster-just upstairs-please feel free." I offered. The Chamber had been opened, the very words intrigued me and I was anxious to know what was going on- and more importantly why Harry had killed the cat as Mr. Filch was claiming. I prayed to Merlin it had nothing to do with me: had Harry really snapped now he realised I was the most famous wizard in the world over him?  
  
"Thank you Gilderoy." Dumbledore said, bowing slightly to me. The children, Mr. Filch and the cat, Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall hurried after him, and I raced ahead to open my office door. I opened it slowly, so that my pictures would know someone was coming in and hide if they weren't decent. I lit some candles on my desk and stood back allowing Dumbledore to place the dead cat on the desk and examine it, with McGonagall also examining it. I debated suggesting that she'd been cursed- perhaps the killing curse, although I wondered how Harry had known it, and then another thought crossed my mind. "It was definitely a curse that killed her-probably the Transmogrifian Torture. I've seen it used many times, so unlucky I wasn't there, I know the very counter-curse that would have saved her..."  
  
To my surprise Dumbledore ignored my comments. I glanced over at Mr. Filch who was crying as though his best friend had died, which I reminded myself was probably true- Filch had no friends other than his cat.  
  
Dumbledore muttered something under his breath and tapped the dead cat with his wand. I moved closer to him. "I remember something very similar happening in Ouagadogou. A series of attacks, the full story's in my autobiography. I was able to provide the townsfolk with various amulets which cleared the matter up at once.." I said, but Dumbledore still seemed to pay no attention. "Lets see- the murders I prevented. First there was that lovely old witch- very, very old, no teeth, blind in one eye, easy pickings for anyone wanting to kill someone. Very grateful she was too. And then there was the young boy- he was a nice enough young lad but he-"  
  
Suddenly he made a strange noise in the back of his throat and stood up. "She's not dead Argus." He said softly.  
  
I stopped in the middle of my words. Not dead? But the cat looked dead to me, and even though I am prepared to admit I am not exactly an expert, I think I would know what a dead animal looks like.  
  
"Not dead?" Mr. Filch's voice cracked as he spoke. "But why's she all- all stiff and frozen?"  
  
"She's been petrified." Dumbledore said. "But how I cannot say."  
  
I nodded. "Ah I thought so! That would have been my next guess!" But nobody was listening to me, as Mr. Filch cried "Ask him!" And pointed at Harry.  
  
Harry looked shocked at the accusation, and involuntarily took a step backwards from Mr. Filch's outstretched finger.  
  
"No second year could do this." Dumbledore said firmly. "It would take Dark Magic of the most advanced-"  
  
"He did it, he did it! You saw what he wrote on the wall! He found- in my office- he knows I'm a- I'm a- he knows I'm a squib." Mr. Filch cried.  
  
I had to turn away to hide my smile- Mr. Filch was a squib, well that certainly explained some things to me. But I wondered still how Harry had managed to learn the magic involved in doing something like this- and how come he'd chosen the cat to take his anger out on? Wasn't someone like myself a more appropriate target considering it was I who had stolen his fame? But then I realised that Harry obviously wasn't completely stupid: he knew he had no chance against a fully trained wizard such as myself!  
  
"I never touched Mrs. Norris! And I don't even know what a squib is." Harry said loudly.  
  
"Rubbish." Mr. Filch snapped. "He saw my Kwikspell letter!"  
  
I smirked to myself- it got even better; Mr. Filch had enrolled in a Kwikspell course in order to learn some magic. Still, I supposed, some wizards had it and some didn't.  
  
"If I might speak headmaster," Snape said slowly, as he came forward a bit. "Potter and his friends may simply have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, but we do have a set of suspicious circumstances here. Why were they in the upstairs corridor at all? Why weren't they at the Halloween feast?"  
  
All three of the kids spoke at once, and from the garbled explanation I could gather that they claimed to have been at a Deathday party for one of the resident ghosts, Nearly headless Nick.  
  
"But why not join the feast afterwards? Why go up that corridor?" Snape asked frowning slightly.  
  
"Because-because-" Harry stammered and I frowned to myself. He could hardly tell them he was mad because he wasn't famous anymore could he? "Because we were tired and wanted to go to bed."  
  
"Without any supper? I didn't think ghosts provided food fit for living people at their parties." Snape said.  
  
"We weren't hungry." Ron protested, but then almost as he said the words his stomach gave a loud rumble and Snape smiled triumphantly. I supposed he was still annoyed about them not being expelled at the beginning of the year and he thought he would make sure that they got into trouble this time.  
  
"I suggest, headmaster, that Potter is not being entirely truthful. It might be a good idea if he were deprived of certain privileges until he is ready to tell us the whole story. I personally feel he should be taken off the Gryffindor Quidditch team until he is ready to be honest."  
  
"Really Severus, I see no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch. This cat wasn't hit over the head with a broomstick. There is no evidence at all that Potter has done anything wrong." McGonagall argued sternly.  
  
"Innocent until proven guilty, Severus." Dumbledore said after looking carefully at Harry for a moment.  
  
Snape didn't look too impressed at this, and nor did Mr. Filch, who screamed "My cat has been petrified! I want to see some punishment!"  
  
"We will be able to cure her Argus. Madame Sprout recently managed to procure some Mandrakes. As soon as they have reached their full size, I will have a potion made which will revive Mrs. Norris." Dumbledore assured the distraught caretaker.  
  
I stepped forward eagerly. "I'll make it. I must have done it a hundred times, I could whip up a Mandrakes Restorative Draught in my sleep-"  
  
But Snape interrupted me. "Excuse me," He said his smooth voice cold. "But I believe I am the Potions Master at this school."  
  
I didn't know what to say to that. I could have pointed out that he wasn't much of one considering nobody had written a book about him, not like me where there were a lot of books on me in the library, as well as the many I had written.  
  
"You may go." Dumbledore told Harry, Ron and Hermione. They left the room in a hurry.  
  
"Well I have made the potion a lot of times." I told Snape. "Haven't you read my autobiography?"  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "I haven't." He said.  
  
"Well I'll give you a copy- better yet, I'll sign it. I gave one to that Hagrid fellow the other day, although I wonder whether or not he can actually read." I said.  
  
"I believe he can." Dumbledore said quietly. "Excuse me." He said and he left the room. McGonagall hesitated and then hurried after him.  
  
"I don't want one of your bloody books." Snape snapped.  
  
"Right. Fine." I said a bit hurt at his blunt tone.  
  
"What I do want though," Snape added in a low voice. "Is to find out whether Potter did petrify the cat, and whether or not the Chamber is really open again."  
  
"The Chamber?" I asked, confused.  
  
"The Chamber of Secrets Lockhart, don't you know anything?" Snape asked me with a shake of his head.  
  
"Obviously not." I said dryly. It didn't bother me to have him speaking to me the way he was since I knew perfectly well he was just jealous.  
  
"Well legend has it that when Hogwarts was created Slytherin built a special chamber within the school and he left in it a monster, a terrible monster. When his own true heir arrived at the school the chamber would be opened and the monster would be unleashed on those who Slytherin considered not worthy to learn magic- that is muggle borns." Snape explained.  
  
"WOW!" I said. "And the chamber has not been opened yet?"  
  
"No." Snape said, and then he began to leave the room and then stopped. "But if Potter has opened it rest assured I'll find out and he'll be punished."  
  
I snorted and Snape stared at me. "What?" He asked angrily.  
  
"Potter as Slytherin's heir?" I asked with a shake of my head. "Potter defeated Voldemort, Potter is in Gryffindor, he couldn't be Slytherin's heir."  
  
"He could be and I bet he is." Snape snapped in argument.  
  
"What will you bet?" I asked.  
  
"What?" Snape asked confused.  
  
"What do you bet Potter is the heir?" I asked.  
  
Snape hesitated, and for a moment I thought he was going to take me up on my offer, but then he shook his head and left the room, leaving me to my own thoughts. What a day it had been- the Chamber being opened! And I realised then that virtually every teacher there was unable to cope with the monster that could be hidden in the chamber, every teacher that is except me. [For notes on this read my published works.] The burden was heavily placed upon my broad shoulders. 


	7. Chapter 6: My struggle to make sure ever...

Chapter six: My struggle to make sure everyone feels as though everything is normal at "Hogwarts".  
  
After seeing the classes disaster with the simple Cornish Pixies I wisely decided to refrain from taking live creatures to class. It was easier for me to do something else which would not be such a problem.  
  
"Perhaps," I suggested to McGonagall. "They just weren't ready for something like that."  
  
She frowned slightly. "I'm sure they are Gilderoy, if you'd give them another chance. That class appears to be fairly smart."  
  
"With the exception of Longbottom." I corrected.  
  
McGonagall sighed, and a funny look came over her face. "Sometimes Gilderoy the best wizards start off as the worst." She offered.  
  
I felt my face redden- did she know about my own disasters at Hogwarts in the beginning? From my very first day the teachers had all expected me to be as brilliant as my older brother, Leroy, and from the very first day, I'd failed to be. "Nonetheless," I said firmly. "I think I shall wait awhile before I attempt any more creative teaching within that class."  
  
McGonagall sighed again, and she glanced around the staff room which was empty apart from us. "Don't you think, Gilderoy, that with what happened the other day teaching them some of the more important defenses would be perhaps prudent?"  
  
"I assume you're referring to the Chamber of Secrets?" I asked slowly.  
  
She nodded, her face concerned. "I hate to think of students not knowing how to defend themselves. But I suppose the problem is we can't let the students know how worried we are."  
  
"Fear not Minerva." I assured her. "I'm a master of disguise."  
  
Her mouth twitched slightly, but she didn't smile. "That's the last of my concerns at the moment Gilderoy."  
  
*****  
  
"Now class," I said pacing the room later that afternoon. "Due to your um.lack of success with simple Cornish Pixies which should have been rounded up easily, I have decided not to bring any creatures into the class for awhile. Today I thought it might be fun if I read to you from one of my books- maybe we could even have a reenactment?"  
  
To their credit the class didn't show their excitement at my news.  
  
"Well let's see, which of my books is your favorite? Let's have a vote shall we. Who says my first book, Break with a Banshee was my best work?" I asked. A few people put up their hands. In the end it was decided that Voyages with Vampires was the class favorite, so I grabbed my copy of that and flicked through the pages until I came to my favorite section- the first time I met a vampire.  
  
I cleared my throat and began to read from the book: "When I first went to Romania in search of what I believed was the fabled vampire I was a naïve thirty something man. So of course you could imagine my surprise when, on my very second night in the country, I ran directly into one." I paused to show them the look of shock and fear on my face. "The vampire, however, was actually quite pleasant. He must have known I was a wizard- perhaps word of my fame had already traveled to the country and they knew I was on my way?- and to that end he was most accommodating. I asked him about the rumors that things such as crucifixes would kill a vampire, and he laughed. 'Too many movies' he told me. And then he admitted that only some things would kill vampires, but he wouldn't elaborate on which." I paused in my reading to see whether the class were enjoying my story. All of my books up until this one have been edited, however with this one at the moment, I am debating it not being edited. I want my experiences to sound real, to come from my heart. The class were all silent, and some had glazed expressions on their faces. I suppose they were in shock over my bravery at simply asking a vampire these questions.  
  
I decided to skip a bit forward and come to another of my favorite parts- my first fight with an evil vampire. "Let's see- does anyone want to volunteer to come up here and be the vampire? I need a volunteer." I called. To my surprise nobody raised their hands. I laughed. "Come now, don't be afraid, I promise I won't hurt you." Still no takers. I sighed and decided I would have to pick someone. My gaze wandered around the room before coming to land on Harry. He was in the process of drawing something on his paper and I smiled slowly. Another chance to teach Harry who really was the star at this school, another chance to put him in his place- how could I resist? "Alright then Harry, come on up here. You're going to be my vampire."  
  
"Oh but Professor-" Harry began, but I interrupted.  
  
"Now, now, I said I wouldn't hurt you. I always keep my word." I promised him.  
  
Slowly Harry came to the front of the room and stood beside me. I saw his friend Ron give him a sympathetic look. "Now Harry- you're an evil vampire, so look evil." I told him. He tried to look evil, but really it just looked stupid. "Not evil enough Harry." Harry's face contorted again, but before we could continue the lesson was up. It had been taken up with the voting process as well as my readings.  
  
"Right class, the homework for today stems from our vote. I want an essay about what you consider to be my best book and why. No less than two pieces of parchment." I called. "And if you're really stuck and need some good quotes feel free to come and see me about it."  
  
The class left the room and I sank back into my chair. I had tried my hardest to make sure that there was an air of normalcy in these uncertain times. Maybe McGonagall might think I should be teaching these students how to defend themselves, but in my opinion I didn't see why they'd need to learn things like that- especially not with me around to protect them.  
  
*****  
  
A few days later Harry played a werewolf for me and I demonstrated my moves in pinning the werewolf to the ground. Harry looked less than pleased at being chosen to be my victim again, but what did he expect? That I'd play the werewolf and let him play me? And besides, it was all part of my grand plan to take the famous Harry Potter down a peg or two. Since the writing on the wall and the cat incident he'd been more subdued, and I hadn't noticed him trying to outdo me round the school, and I hoped he had at last realised that aside from me being three times the wizard he was, he was not yet as famous as me, that he was still a kid. After the class was over Hermione approached me, with Ron and Harry in the background. She held a piece of paper.  
  
"Professor Lockhart?" She asked. "I wanted to get this book out of the library. Just for background reading. But the thing is, it's in the restricted section of the library, so I need a teacher to sign for it. I'm sure it would help me understand what you say in Gadding with Ghouls about slow-acting venoms."  
  
I took the piece of paper off her, giving the title of the book a cursory glance, then smiled at her. "Ah, Gadding with Ghouls- possibly my very favorite book. You enjoyed it?"  
  
"Oh yes!" Hermione exclaimed. "So clever, the way you trapped that last one with the tea strainer."  
  
"Well I'm sure no one will mind me giving the best student in the year a little extra help." I admitted pulling out my favorite quill to sign the slip. I noticed Ron staring at it strangely. "Yes, nice isn't it? I usually save it for book signings." I signed the slip and then handed it back to Hermione. She folded it and put it into her bag, and whilst she was doing so my attention wandered to Harry who had been standing there quietly.  
  
"So Harry, tomorrow's the first Quidditch match of the season, I believe? Gryffindor against Slytherin is it not? I hear you're a useful player. I was a seeker too. I was asked to try for the National squad, but preferred to dedicate my life to the eradication of the Dark Forces. Still, if ever you feel the need for a little private training, don't hesitate to ask. Always happy to pass on my expertise to less able players."  
  
Harry made a strange noise in his throat, and the three of them left the room. I gathered up my things and went downstairs to the staff room. Snape was sitting there, along with Flitwick the charms teacher, and McGonagall. "I must tell you all," I said as I dropped into my seat. "I am glad I decided to keep acting as though things were normal here- it's saving a lot of trouble."  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow. "You decided did you?" He asked coldly. "Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it the headmaster's decision on what does and doesn't happen in this school?"  
  
I was surprised at the venom in his tone- clearly the man was jealous of me also. "In case you're wondering Severus," I told him. "I convinced the headmaster to keep playing Quidditch this season. I'm quite a fan you know- could have had quite a career in it."  
  
Snape snorted, but didn't comment. I buried my head in the book I was reading and chose to ignore the looks I felt coming from the various teachers in the room. Perhaps they were all jealous of me, just like Harry. I only hoped that my various tips and treatment of Harry lately had been enough to put him back in his place or one day there could be trouble here at Hogwarts. 


	8. Chapter 7: My worries shift from Harry t...

Chapter seven: My worries shift from Harry to a Hogwarts teacher.  
  
"I assume you're going to the Quidditch match today being such a fan and all." Snape asked me dryly at breakfast the next morning. It had been a long night for me reading up on legends about the Chamber of Secrets. After all if anything else happened it was going to have to be up to me to do something. The rest of the teachers liked think they were good, but I didn't think they were much chop to be honest. As for the headmaster, someone who I had always admired mind you, I thought he should be doing something far more proactive here- after all the skills and knowledge of Albus Dumbledore were legend after all.  
  
"Of course." I responded. "And who do you think will win Severus?"  
  
"Slytherin of course." Snape replied. "They've been practicing very hard lately, and as you may or may not know, we've got great brooms this year courtesy of Malfoy's father."  
  
I glanced over towards the Slytherin table where Malfoy was the center of attention. "Hmmm..but perhaps you need more skill than just having a good broom?" I suggested. "I used to have a terrible broom, but was still a great player."  
  
Snape's lip curled slightly. "I'm sure you were Gilderoy, but let me assure you right now- Slytherin are going to win today, mark my words."  
  
I concentrated on eating then, instead of on listening to Snape's comments about the game.  
  
*****  
  
It was a muggy day, but looking up at the sky I had the feeling that it might rain later, and I commented on this to McGonagall who was walking down with me.  
  
"Yes, well young Potter might just have to get the snitch quickly before it begins to rain and his glasses annoy him." She replied, as we climbed the stairs up to the teacher's area. Seated near Snape was a man with long blonde hair, and a familiar face. As I took my seat I asked McGonagall who it was. She made a face as she replied, "Lucius Malfoy- Draco's father. He's part of the governors of the school which is why he is here I assume."  
Madame Hooch, the Quidditch teacher, started the game and the stadium roared. Most people were barracking for Gryffindor for the simple fact that they didn't like Slytherin. I glanced at Harry. He was flying above the stadium looking around. Malfoy was near him, and I gasped suddenly as a bludger went straight for Harry. Harry dodged, and one of the Weasley twins whacked the bludger away. But for some reason this didn't matter. No matter where he went, or what he did, the bludger seemed to follow Harry, preventing him from getting anywhere near the snitch. The Weasley twins spent most of their time trying to stop the bludger from hitting Harry. I, along with most of the crowd, was watching Harry and the bludger rather than the rest of the game. It was only when I heard Snape cheer "YES!" that I realised the score was sixty to nothing in favour of Slytherin.  
  
"I guess your plan worked Lucius." Snape said to Malfoy, who was smirking and looking, pleased with himself.  
  
"I guess it did. Now if only Draco can get the snitch." Malfoy replied.  
  
Gryffindor called time out, and they huddled on the ground, talking animatedly, many of them gesturing, as Madame Hooch walked towards them. A moment later the game began, and for some reason the Weasley twins were no longer following Harry and trying to protect him from the bludger which was still following Harry determinedly. The rain was really pelting down now, and McGonagall conjured up an umbrella to keep us as dry as possible.  
  
"What's wrong with the bludger Minerva?" I asked her in a low voice, eyeing Snape and Malfoy out of the corner of my eye. I remembered Snape's comment that morning: "Slytherin are going to win today- mark my words." Had he and Malfoy done something to the bludger?  
  
"I don't know." She said anxiously. "They've been in Hooch's office so nobody could have tampered with them."  
  
"It looks like someone's tampered with it." I argued, and I pulled out my wand. "Maybe it's time to stop this bludger!"  
  
Before I could do anything however McGonagall grabbed my wand. "Don't." She said. "It's too dangerous. We're just going to have to hope for the best."  
  
Harry dogged the bludger again, twirling in mid air which earnt him the laughter of the Slytherin supporters, and Malfoy, up in the air near him, seemed to be saying something. Harry didn't move, and all of a sudden the bludger slammed into his arm, which dangled at a funny angle afterwards. I couldn't hear anything other than the cries and yells from the supporters. The bludger came back towards Harry, but he moved out of the way this time, and then went into a dive towards Malfoy, who hurried to get out of his way. Harry snatched at something, holding onto the broom only with his legs, his arm still dangling uselessly at his side. Then he fell to the ground. Along with McGonagall I was up and racing for the ground. The Gryffindor team did the same and they were all gathered around him as we arrived. I noticed that in his hand Harry held the snitch- Gryffindor had won! We reached him at the same time, and I leant over him. McGonagall was trying to make the team move back a bit, to give us some room.  
  
Harry opened his eyes. "Oh no, not you." He moaned.  
  
I frowned. At a time like this when he was injured so badly did it really matter who was the better wizard? Was it really a time for that kind of concern? "Doesn't know what he's saying." I said loudly. "Not to worry Harry. I'm about to fix your arm."  
  
"No!" Harry said, trying to sit up. "I'll keep it like this thanks."  
  
Nearby Collin took a photo, even though Harry complained, but I was busy trying to think of the best spell to fix his arm. AH! I knew the one!  
  
"Lie back Harry." I told him, in what I hoped was a soothing tone. "It's a simple charm I've used countless times."  
  
"Why can't I just go to the hospital wing?" Harry complained. I was annoyed at this: he was really one stubborn person.  
  
"He really should Professor." Wood, the captain, backed him up. "Great capture Harry, really spectacular, your best yet I'd say."  
  
I pushed back my robe sleeves- I'd worn one of my more colorful ones in honor of the match, but the water had ruined it a little. "Stand back." I ordered.  
  
"No don't..." Harry said weakly.  
  
I performed the spell and smiled. There, Harry's arm should be fine now, I thought happily. I'd shown him. And then my eyes widened with shock: Harry's arm was looking like a piece of rubber. I realised what had happened. I'd mixed up the spells and rather than mending the bones, I'd taken them away.  
  
"Ah. Yes. Well that can sometimes happen. But the point is, the bones are no longer broken. That's the thing to bear in mind. So, Harry, just toddle up to the hospital wing- ah Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Granger, would you escort him?- and Madame Pomfrey will be able to- er- tidy you up a bit."  
  
Harry weakly got to his feet and was escorted up to the hospital wing. I was on my way back up towards the school myself when I heard Snape speaking. "Well Lucius, it looks as though you're plan didn't exactly come off. Potter still got the snitch."  
  
"I know." Malfoy sounded disgusted. "And Draco should have seen the damn thing- it was right near him, but he was too busy laughing at Potter."  
  
"Well it was rather funny." Snape conceded.  
  
"Be that as it may Draco should be disgusted with himself. He's forever letting people here show him up. Last year that dratted mudblood Granger got the best marks in the class and she's not even from a wizarding family. Rest assured Draco got told off over that one. Honestly Severus, I don't know why they're letting mudbloods in here- this is the finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the entire world, and surely as that it has a reputation to uphold." Malfoy complained.  
  
I felt my heart skip a beat as Snape replied "I know. I agree with you Lucius, and as a governor of this school let me tell you that you might have your wish soon enough with the chamber possibly being opened again..."  
  
"Ah yes, the chamber." Malfoy responded. "Has there been anymore news on that?"  
  
"No not since the first attack with the cat." Snape replied. "But you will be kept informed- purely in your capacity as governor of course."  
  
"Of course." Malfoy replied smoothly, and they moved out of my hearing. I didn't bother to go after them- I was in shock over what I'd heard. Of course governors of the school would know about the first incident with the chamber being opened again, but listening to the opinions of Snape and Malfoy on mixed bloods concerned me. They both believed they shouldn't be there, and then there was Snape's comment: if anything more happened with the chamber perhaps Malfoy would get his wish? Did that mean Snape knew who had opened the chamber, and more interestingly, was it him? Perhaps that had been why he had tried to frame Potter for the act, and perhaps that was why he had tried to injure Potter during the Quidditch match. I decided then and there to keep a very close eye on Snape from now on. 


	9. Chapter 8: My eagle eye keeps an eye on ...

Chapter eight: My eagle eye keeps an eye on things whilst life goes on at Hogwarts.  
  
"Ah headmaster, Sir, I wonder if I could have a moment of your precious time?" I asked Dumbledore about a week after the incident with Harry's arm. I was careful to always speak very respectfully to Dumbledore- the last thing I needed was him thinking he was a better wizard than me like young Harry.  
  
"Certainly Gilderoy, what seems to be the problem?" Dumbledore asked me. As always I was struck by his twinkling eyes, and another thought occurred to me.  
  
"You know with an eye color like yours I wonder- have you ever thought about wearing robes to match them, or bring out the color in them? I do, and as you can see," I swished my robes grandly. "They come up pretty well if I do say so yourself."  
  
To my surprise Dumbledore looked more amused than anything else. "Thank you for the advice Gilderoy, I shall consider taking it on board." He said softly. "Now, was there anything else?"  
  
"Actually there was headmaster. I have been thinking that it might be prudent to perhaps teach the students to duel. I remember learning it here and as well as being fun it was a useful skill to have. I could have gone on to make a career from it, but decided to dedicate myself to the dark arts. Anyway, in the present uh.circumstances here I think not only would it be handy for the students to know how to defend themselves, but also a welcome distraction." I recited, remembering how the night before Flitwick had said something similar giving me the idea to Snape and the divination professor, Trewlaney.  
  
Dumbledore nodded slowly. "I think you're right on both counts there- very well Gilderoy, you have my permission to start a duelling club."  
  
*****  
  
Later that afternoon I admired my handiwork. A large picture of myself winked out at me from the poster which declared that "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin third class, honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League, five times winner of Witch Weeklies most charming smile of the year award, is prepared to teach Hogwarts students his great duelling skills." I smiled at my picture which smiled back at me- one of my better ones too.  
  
"What have you got there Gilderoy?" Asked Snape as he peered over my shoulder.  
  
A strange noise escaped him as he looked at the poster. "Duelling club?" He finally said. "Interesting idea.. wherever did you get it from?"  
  
"It just popped into my head." I replied. "What do you think?"  
  
"I think perhaps the poster is a bit much to be honest." Snape said dropping down into the seat opposite me.  
  
"It is?" I asked dismayed. "Was it the gold stars everywhere?"  
  
"I was thinking more along the lines of the wording." Snape replied slowly. "I think perhaps the students would get more of a surprise if they saw you turn up if they didn't know you'd be there."  
  
"I don't follow." I said confused.  
  
"It's well known news Flitwick's a champion dueller so it will no doubt be assumed he will be teaching the class." Snape explained. "So this way- you can make an entrance."  
  
"An entrance." I repeated smiling. "Brilliant plan Severus."  
  
"In fact Gilderoy, I'll even offer to be your duelling partner in a demonstration to the students." Snape added.  
  
I hesitated, wondering whether he was any good at duelling? I didn't want to be hurt. But then it occurred to me that this might be a very good way of keeping an eye on him further. In the last week since the Quidditch match he hadn't done anything particularly suspicious, but I was keeping a good eye on him. "Ah.alright..yes, yes thank you." I said making up my mind that he couldn't be much good at it, he didn't look like he moved fast enough.  
  
*****  
  
I peered through the doors leading into the room, and to my surprise the room was packed. "Rather good turnout." I told Snape, who was with me. "I suppose they heard a rumor I was going to be here after all?"  
  
Snape simply grunted. I fixed my robes, making sure they were perfect as they were one of my favorite plum ones. "Shall we?" I asked.  
  
Snape grunted again, and I took it for a yes, and strode onto the platform, Snape right behind me. I waved my arm to get the attention of the chattering students. "Gather round, gather round. Can everyone see me? Can you all hear me? Excellent." I said as the crowd moved forward to see me. I was glad I had chosen to wear the plumb robes. "Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little duelling club, to train you up in case you ever need to defend yourselves like I myself have done on countless occasions- for full details see my published works. Let me introduce my assistant Professor Snape. He tells me he knows a tiny little bit about duelling himself and has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration before we begin. Now I don't want any of you youngsters to worry- you'll still have your potions master when I'm through with him, never fear!"  
  
I turned to face Snape and we both stood in the accepted duelling stance. I bowed to him, with much flourish, since I hardly considered this a challenge- more like a picnic. Snape, however, just nodded abruptly- he was probably beginning to realise what he could have gotten himself into. We both raised our wands in front of us, and I explained to the students how this was also accepted, and how on the count of three we would cast our first spells, which were, of course to disarm only, nothing more. I didn't want to scare the students by doing something terrible to Snape in front of them!  
  
"ONE-TWO-THREE!"  
  
Before I could bring my wand up and cast Snape had his up and yelled "Expelliarmus" and I felt myself being lifted up, and flying back into the wall. I landed with a thud. The first thing to go through my mind was: Is he trying to kill me? Does he know I know he's up to something, that he might be the one behind the chamber of secrets?  
  
I took a deep breath, determined not to let the students see my fear, what if it incited Snape and he went crazy and opened the chamber right then and there. I put my hat back on and smiled at the students as cheerily as I could manage. "Well there you have it. That was a disarming charm- as you see I've lost my wand- ah, thank you Miss Brown. Yes, an excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don't mind my saying so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have been only too easy. However I felt it would be instructive to let them see.." Snape's lip curled at that and I decided to quickly change the subject- we didn't want carnage in here with the chamber of secrets. "Enough demonstrating! I'm going to come amongst you now and put you all into pairs. Professor Snape, if you'd like to help me.."  
  
We moved through the crowd putting them into pairs. Before I reached Harry and Ron Snape was there. "Time to split up the dream team, I think." I heard him say and he paired Harry with Malfoy, who was looking delighted with the idea. I shrugged, not really caring who was partnering who, although I had a slight idea that it would be nice to have Harry lose, if he won he'd probably think he was better than me and start behaving like a prima donna again! I moved back onto the platform where everyone could see me and called "Face your partners and bow!" They obeyed. "Wands at the ready. When I count to three, cast your charms to disarm your opponent-only to disarm them- we don't want any accidents.ONE, TWO, THREE!"  
  
To my shock there was complete disarray in the room. A Hufflepuff was tap dancing, a Ravenclaw was turning purple, a Slytherin was snorting like a pig, and a Gryffindor was crying buckets. "I said disarm only!" I shouted, but there was no response from the crowd. My eyes wandered to Harry, out of curiosity. His legs were clearly out of his control as he danced around. "STOP! STOP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.  
  
"Finite Incantum!" Snape yelled, and all of a sudden order was restored. I took a deep breath wondering why I hadn't thought of that.  
  
"Dear, dear." I muttered as I walked along the room. I hesitated, in the middle of the room wondering what do to now. "I think I'd better teach you how to block unfriendly spells. Let's have a volunteer pair- Longbottom and Finch-Fletchley, how about you?"  
  
Snape hurried over. "Bad idea, Professor Lockhart. Longbottom causes devastation with the simplest of spells. We'll be sending what's left of Finch-Fletchley up to the hospital wing in a matchbox. How about Malfoy and Potter?"  
  
"Excellent idea!" I cried, deciding it wouldn't hurt Harry to be humiliated one more time. Whilst I was aware of the fact that he hadn't been acting too badly lately, I still wanted him to know who was second best.  
  
Harry and Malfoy came into the middle of the ground. "Now, Harry, when Draco points his wand at you, you do this." I raised my wand and did a contemplated jig which would have looked very impressive if my hand wasn't sweaty. I dropped the wand. "Whoops- my wand is a little over-excited."  
  
I noticed Snape whispering something to Malfoy, and Harry must have noticed it too as he asked me to repeat the move. "Just do what I did, Harry." I told him.  
  
"What, drop my wand?" Harry asked, but I pretended not to be listening. I wasn't going to justify that with a response.  
  
"THREE-TWO-ONE-GO!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.  
  
Malfoy was the first to raise his wand, and he shouted "Serpentsortia" and a long black snake shot out of his wand towards Harry, who looked shocked as the snake moved towards him. I shot a glance at Snape, had he told Malfoy to do this? And what did it mean- was he trying to assert himself as the one who opened the chamber of secret? Before I could think about it anymore Snape said "Don't move Potter. I'll get rid of it."  
  
I hurried to the fore. "Allow me." I brandished my wand at the snake, and there was a loud bang, but the snake didn't disappear. Instead it flew up into the air and then back onto the ground, and it wasn't too happy with what had happened. I glanced at my wand wondering what was wrong with it- I hadn't done the wrong spell. The angry snake was slithering towards Justin Finch-Fletchley and it raised itself ready to bite. Before I could do anything Harry was there, and he hissed something at the snake, in a strange tone of voice. The snake stopped, and curled up on the floor ready to go to sleep. I was trying to work out what Harry had been hissing at the snake for as Justin yelled at Harry. "What do you think you're playing at?" and hurried out of the room.  
  
Snape stepped forward and got rid of the snake, and then Ron was rushing Harry out of the room. Voices were calling excitedly, some however, where not so sure what was going on:  
  
"He's a parselmouth." Someone said.  
  
"So?" Another one asked.  
  
"Slytherin was famous for being one." The first person explained.  
  
I felt my jaw drop- were they suggesting that Harry was the one who had opened the chamber of secrets? Was I looking at the wrong person?  
"Under the circumstances I think this will be enough for today, if that's okay with Professor Lockhart?" Snape called. I nodded. And the students filed out of the room.  
  
Snape was looking thoughtful. "Who'd have thought?" He muttered.  
  
"Thought what?" I asked.  
  
"You heard Potter- he's a parselmouth." Snape replied as we began to walk out of the room. "Next thing you know everyone is going to be going round saying Potter opened the chamber. That he's the heir of Slytherin."  
  
"Maybe he is.." I said slowly, wondering how Snape would react to that. But my trick didn't work.  
  
"Maybe so." Snape replied as we parted in the corridor.  
  
I walked towards my office thoughtfully. This was a new turn of events- now I wasn't sure who to suspect. It looked as though I was going to have to keep my eyes open from now on, make sure nobody got hurt. 


	10. Chapter 9: My happiness as I think the c...

[A/N. I realised a mistake I've made. Earlier in the story I had Gilderoy calling people by their first names when he was referring to them in the text (not speaking to them), and then I had him referring to them by their last names. I have decided that when Lockhart refers to them, he would be more likely to call them by their last names, almost as if to assert to himself that he was superior to them.]  
Chapter nine: My happiness as I think the culprit has been found.  
Over the next few days I kept as close an eye on both Snape and Harry as I could, but neither seemed to be acting particularly strange. "You know," I told Flitwick as we made our way to the Christmas meal. "I think perhaps the Chamber is completely closed. I think the guilty party heard I was on the case and got scared."  
  
"I'd like to think that was the case Gilderoy." Flitwick said in his squeaky voice. "But I've got a strange feeling it's simply the calm before the storm."  
  
"The storm?" I repeated looking up at the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall. "I didn't know a storm was coming."  
  
Flitwick didn't comment, and we took our places. There weren't a lot of students sticking around for Christmas, something which I couldn't say I blamed them for. Even though I was pretty sure my very presence at Hogwarts was the reason behind the chamber's closing, the students weren't to know this, and it could be possible they thought the chamber was still open. I noticed that both Harry and his friend Ron were there, and I glanced over at the Slytherin table to see Malfoy and his friends making fun of Harry. I smiled slightly. Whilst cruel Malfoy's impersonation was pretty funny.  
  
"So Gilderoy," McGonagall said to me as we began our meal. "I noticed there haven't been any more advertisements for the duelling club up around school."  
  
"Well Minerva, I decided it was prudent to give it a rest for a bit..after the shock of the last one and all." I explained.  
  
"Ye-es." McGonagall said slowly, looking thoughtful. "It probably was."  
  
I frowned angrily to myself as I noticed that there was a slight smile playing around her lips. I decided to wipe the smile off. "Minerva, I must say I think that perhaps the chamber has been closed." I told her.  
  
A grim look came over her face. "Why do you say that Gilderoy?" She asked.  
  
"Well there have been no further attacks have there Minerva?" I replied cheerily. "No, I think you'll find the person, or persons, responsible was too scared to keep opening the chamber with me here. I suppose they've read all my books and know what I can do to them if I had caught them."  
  
"Ah, but you didn't catch them, did you Gilderoy?" Snape asked silkily, leaning over.  
  
"As good as!" I protested. "Mark my words people- the chamber is sealed."  
  
*****  
  
Nothing really happened until after Christmas. The Christmas period itself went fairly quietly. With only a few students left in the school there wasn't really very much for us teachers to do, so I used the time to catch up on my fanmail, which had been very much in the rears. I made my way around the school humming or singing happily. I was pretty sure that Dumbledore would not be able to refuse the raise I was planning on asking for, for the next year, what with me closing the chamber and all.  
  
I was on my way to the Quidditch pitch for the match with Gryffindor playing Hufflepuff when I was nearly bowled over my McGonagall as she raced towards the pitch.  
  
"Watch out Minerva." I said, hiding my anger and managing to make it sound like I was joking. "I could have fallen into that puddle and ruined these lovely robes. Sunshine Orange they're called."  
  
"I don't give a damn about your robes Gilderoy." McGonagall spat. "Another person has been petrified."  
  
"My Merlin!" I said shocked. "I thought I'd stopped all that nonsense."  
  
"Clearly not." McGonagall said, her face drawn and pale. "Needless to say Gilderoy if the culprit is not caught we are going to have to close down the school. We can't put our students in such danger. Now excuse me, I've got to go down and cancel the game." And she hurried off.  
  
"Minerva?" I called after her.  
  
"Yes?" she asked impatiently.  
  
"Who was the victim?" I asked.  
  
"Hermione Granger." McGonagall replied, and she hurried down to the pitch.  
  
For my part I went straight to my office and sat down. I didn't think Harry would petrify his own friend, but then people do strange things when they're corrupted. Although it did occur to me that it was more likely to be Snape than Harry. I sighed and decided I had better continue my vigil even more rigorously than before. Later that night I was sitting in the staffroom with most of the teachers (at least those who weren't on patrol in the corridors) when Dumbledore came in. His usually twinkling eyes weren't so merry.  
  
"I've got a few announcements to make, and I decided to make them in person." Dumbledore said to us.  
  
I put aside my copy of "Heroes of the Dark Force" (my name is mentioned on page 348 for those who are interested), and looked at him. He had big news no doubt.  
  
"Firstly, Hagrid is going away for a little while. We'll have a replacement gamekeeper to keep on top of things whilst he is away. The thing is the ministry believe that perhaps he could be responsible for the chamber's being opened again..I however do not believe this for a second. Hagrid has my full confidence, and as you all know him pretty well I am sure none of you will believe these rumors either. The culprit is still out there and I expect you to act like this." Dumbledore explained. "And secondly I am afraid I also must be leaving."  
  
"ALBUS!" McGonagall burst out. "How can you think of leaving at a time like this when we need you the most?"  
  
Dumbledore put up his hand to stop her speaking. "Minerva, this is not my idea. It seems the school governors feel I've well..lost my touch." Dumbledore explained. "They have called for my resignation, and I have had to give it. But rest assured help is no further than an owl away should you require it. In the meantime I urge you all to be extremely vigilant."  
  
I glanced at Snape out of the corner of my eye. If he were the one opening the Chamber this news would be very welcome to him. To my surprise he looked shocked, upset and worried. I frowned in confusion. This was beginning to get to me. If it wasn't Snape and it weren't Harry, then who was the one opening the Chamber of Secrets? Maybe the ministry had the right idea after all- maybe it was Hagrid? After all they wouldn't take him away unless they were pretty certain he was behind the attacks, would they?  
  
"Goodday, and goodnight." Dumbledore said, and he bowed very low to us, and then turned and left the room. There was silence for a moment and then an uproar. Clearly most of the room believed that Dumbledore's opinion of Hagrid was the correct one, and that the chamber was not closed at all.  
  
"Who's going to stop this if not Dumbledore?" asked elderly Smallville, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher who was thinking of retiring soon.  
"The most important thing here is the students." McGonagall said. "They've got to feel comfortable here, and therefore things should carry on as usual." I tuned out. After all if Hagrid was the one responsible, and he was no longer here then there was nothing to worry about.  
*****  
  
McGonagall's words echoed in my ears as I entered my classroom a few mornings later. I had noticed that the other teachers seemed to have taken Dumbledore's words to heart- that the culprit was still at large. I however, was sure that the mystery was solved. After Hagrid left there had been no more attacks, and I had full confidence that the ministry wouldn't take someone away unless they were very sure they had been the one to blame.  
  
I surveyed the class with a sigh. "Come now! Why all these long faces?" I demanded.  
  
They all gave me annoyed looks, and I felt my temper begin to rise. I took a deep breath to stop it. "Don't you people realise that the danger has passed! The culprit has been taken away."  
  
"Says who?" Demanded Dean Thomas.  
  
"My dear young man," I said slowly, hoping I didn't sound as annoyed as I felt. "The Minister of Magic wouldn't have taken Hagrid if he hadn't been one hundred percent sure that he was guilty."  
  
"Oh, yes he would." Argued Ron.  
  
I felt like slapping him, but I managed to keep a big smile on my face. "I flatter myself I know a touch more about Hagrid's arrest than you do, Mr. Weasley." I said.  
  
Ron looked like he was going to argue the point, but Harry muttered something to him which made him stop.  
  
"Right. On with today's lesson, we're talking about my experiences in "Gadding with Ghouls" today." I said cheerily. I wasn't going to bother about being worried about anything like the other teachers: in my opinion Hagrid was the perfect culprit, and it would have only been a little while before I came to that conclusion, and shifted my suspicions from Snape and Harry to the gamekeeper. 


	11. Chapter 10: My moment has come at last

Chapter ten: My moment has come at last.  
  
"I don't think our students are very happy that we're still planning on having exams. I have had to explain about three times today that it is simply to keep things running as normally as possible, but they seem to think there should be no exams.what with everything which has happened and all." McGonagall told me a few days later at lunch.  
  
I shook my head. "And why shouldn't we have exams?" I demanded. "The culprit has been caught and everything is normal again."  
  
McGonagall looked shocked. "Gilderoy, did you not hear what Albus said before he left? Hagrid is not the culprit. Anyone who knows him would know that."  
  
"Minerva," I said feeling as though I was speaking to a child. "The ministry wouldn't take an innocent man."  
  
"The ministry," McGonagall said through clenched teeth. "Have to be seen to be doing something and that happens to be the best they could come up with."  
  
*****  
  
After lunch I had the second year students, who were all still acting as if they thought the culprit was still at large. I had to take them to their "History of Magic" class after and I sighed as I did so. It had been a long night the night before and it was beginning to catch up with me- I was planning on taking a nap as soon as possible. I'd been on patrol the night before by orders of McGonagall, and orders were orders, despite the fact that the culprit was currently in prison. I had, however, managed a brief sleep in one of the unused rooms.  
  
I heard one of the students mutter something to the other about when the regulations would be relaxed and when the guilty party would be caught.  
  
"Mark my words, the first words out of those poor petrified people's mouths will be "It was Hagrid." Frankly, I'm astounded Professor McGonagall thinks all these security measures are necessary."  
  
"I agree, sir." Harry said, and I wasn't the only one shocked. Ron dropped his books, and hastily picked them up again. I surveyed Harry thoughtfully- maybe he'd realised that I was right, that as the superior wizard I knew everything.  
  
"Thank you Harry. I mean, we teachers have quite enough to be getting on with, without walking students to classes and standing guard all night.."  
  
"That's right." Ron agreed with me, and Harry. "Why don't you leave us here sir, we've only got one more corridor to go."  
  
"You know Weasley, I think I will. I really should go and prepare for my next class." I said. I left them where they were and headed straight for my office intent on having a much needed nap since I had no class then. I made myself comfortable, and a few moments later I was asleep.  
  
*****  
  
"ALL STUDENTS TO RETURN TO THEIR HOUSE DORMITORIES AT ONCE! ALL TEACHERS RETURN TO THE STAFF ROOM! IMMEDIATELY PLEASE!" came over the loudspeaker, waking me up awhile later. I sighed and got up, but one of my portraits stopped me. "You can't go out in public looking like that!" it admonished me.  
  
I went to one of my many mirrors and checked my reflection. Sure enough my hair was a mess, and my robes crumpled. I fixed my hair, and smoothed out my robes before making my way down to the staff room. I wondered what the big news was now: something insignificant probably considering that the chamber was closed and all.  
  
When I entered the staff room everyone was already gathered in there. I entered with a smile. "So sorry- dozed off- what have I missed?" I asked brightly.  
  
Snape stepped forwards, a strange smile on his face. "Just the man. The very man. A girl has been snatched by the monster, Lockhart. Taken into the Chamber of Secrets itself. Your moment has come at last."  
  
"That's right Gilderoy. Weren't you saying just last night that you've known all along where the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets is?" Sprout asked me, with a strange look on her face similar to Snape.  
  
"I-well-I" I stammered not sure what to say. I was shocked to hear that something had happened when I had been so sure that the culprit was Hagrid, and he was safely away from the school in Azkaban. Unless, of course, he broke out. I'd never heard of anyone doing that before, but it was a possibility that Hagrid was a very strong dark wizard.  
  
"Yes didn't you tell me you knew what was inside it?" Added Flitwick.  
  
"D-Did I? I don't recall." I said, thoughts still going through my head at the speed of lightening. What was I meant to do now? I had no idea where the chamber was!  
  
"I certainly recall you saying you were sorry you hadn't had a crack at the monster before Hagrid was arrested." Snape added and I wished he would shut up. Was everyone ganging up on me? "Didn't you say the whole affair had been bungled, and that you should have had free reign from the first?"  
  
"I..I never really..You may have misunderstood.." I said, deciding that there was only one option: I had to leave. If I had of known where the chamber was then I would have not hesitated in going in there and teaching that monster a lesson or two.  
  
"We'll leave it to you then." McGonagall declared. "Tonight will be an excellent time to do it. We'll make sure everyone's out of your way. You'll be able to tackle the monster all by yourself. A free reign at last."  
  
I looked around me concerned. How was I meant to do anything when I didn't even know where the chamber was? They were all going to think I was a complete fraud! If only I had the slightest idea where the chamber was! "V- very well! I'll- I'll be in my office, getting, getting ready." I said, and I left the room then.  
  
I went straight to my office and sat down in my chair thinking. Where could the chamber be? I decided that it was most likely on the second floor where the writing had been found. Come hell or high water that night I was going to find the entrance to the chamber and defeat the monster, and renew the teacher's faith in me. After all I had done in my life there was no way I was backing down now. The time for action had arrived. (For full details see my published works.) 


	12. Chapter 11: My bravery as I enter the ch

[A/N. I was thinking about some of the reviews were it was mentioned that it was a bit of a surprise that Lockhart was acting so brave, well really it's not. What you've got to keep in mind is that this is his telling of the story-he wants everyone to think he is brave- like in his books. So when you read this you are reading Lockhart's version, which of course differs pretty much from the proper one! By the way this story is almost over.]  
  
Chapter eleven: My bravery as I enter the chamber of secrets.  
  
'Think Gilderoy, think.' I told myself leaning back in the chair. I really had no idea where the entrance to the chamber was other than on the second floor and despite my pretended bravery in front of the other teachers I wasn't sure I was up to confronting the monster which dwelt within. I thought back to what I had learnt about petrified people in the past and I knew the only creature who could do this kind of thing was indeed very, very powerful. I stood up and looked about the room. I supposed that I could go and see if I could stop the creature in the chamber since there was no way that there was anyone else in this school who either had the brains, the knowledge, or even the courage to do it. I decided however that the moment I had solved this terrible problem I was leaving the school, and therefore I began to pack before I got ready to face my destiny. (For those of you who have read my other books then you would know only too well how much I have been through)  
  
"You handsome thing you." One of my portraits told me as I packed it away in a box.  
  
There was a knock on the door and I hesitated. I didn't want the teachers to see the mess that my office was in or else they would be sure I was fleeing before I got rid of the monster. I opened the door slowly, peering out, and was somewhat surprised, yet relieved, to see only Harry and Ron.  
  
I opened the door a bit more. "Oh Mr. Potter.Mr. Weasley. I'm rather busy at the moment. If you'd be quick."  
  
"Professor we've got some information for you. We think it will help you." Harry explained eagerly.  
  
I frowned slightly. Did Harry now think that he, a second year wizard, knew more than me, Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin third class, honory member of the Dark Force defence league and five times winner of witch weeklies smile of the year award. I hesitated before letting them inside.  
  
Harry and Ron both took in the state of my office slowly. "Are you going somewhere?" Harry asked, a strange tone in his voice.  
  
"Well.." I hesitated not sure how to tell them that once I'd defeated the monster I was leaving. And it also occurred to me that should Harry think I was going after the monster it was entirely possible that he would follow me and try to take the glory for himself. "Urgent call.. Unavoidable.got to go." I muttered as I continued with my packing.  
  
"What about my sister?" Ron asked, sounding like he was going to cry.  
  
"Well as to that most unfortunate. No one regrets more than I." I replied, finishing with the last of my packing.  
  
"You're the defence against the dark arts teacher! You can't go now! Not with all the dark stuff going on around here!" Harry snapped, his eyes fiery with anger.  
  
I muttered about how the job description had nothing in it about this and Harry and Ron exchanged a look. Before I could do or say a thing they both had their wands out and pointed at me. "Expelliarmus!" Harry yelled, and I fell backwards, losing control of my wand. "Shouldn't have let Professor Snape teach us that one."  
  
I didn't move for a moment. It couldn't possibly be that these two boys were the ones who had opened the chamber and were going to kill me could it? No, it was Hagrid, that much was obvious, but what were they doing in my office? I asked that, from where I was on the floor.  
  
"You're in luck." Harry replied. And he explained that not only did they think that they knew where the chamber was located, but that we were going there.  
  
"Harry, Harry, Harry," I said, shaking my head. "I knew you were hungry for fame, but isn't this all a bit too much?"  
  
"You've got no idea have you?" Harry asked shaking his head. He pointed his wand at me. "Come on, move it."  
  
Meekly I followed them, mentally deciding how best to rectify this situation-I was a trained wizard after all and there was no way I was going to let a couple of boys outsmart me. To my complete amazement we went into a girls bathroom. A moment later a ghost floated down, and she seemed more than happy to see Harry. Especially when he asked her how she died. With relish she recounted the tale about how she'd been in the toilets crying over someone teasing her about her glasses when she'd heard what she thought was a boys voice speaking in some strange voice and she opened the door to tell him to go away when she died. She explained where she had seen the eyes and the two boys hurried over to the tap whilst I stood back taking stock of the situation.  
  
"Harry, Ron, don't you think I better take charge now?" I asked them. "After all you two are only kids-"  
  
"Shut up." Ron hissed at me and I stood back against the wall wishing for my wand. There was no way that these two were going to take the credit for this- no way in hell, but I just had to find the way to stop them. "Harry say something in parseltongue."  
  
"Open up." Harry said, but there was nothing.  
  
"English." Ron said.  
  
And then Harry, who appeared to be concentrating harder than anything said something which sounded like a hissing noise and the tap glowed white and began to spin. A moment later the sink began to move and then there was a giant hole exposed.  
  
"I better get down there." I said moving forward, but Harry stopped me again pointing his wand at me.  
  
"No." He said firmly. "I go first, then you and then Ron."  
  
"Now really, don't you think that's a little bit stupid?" I asked. "After all- who is the better wizard here?"  
  
"I'm going first." Harry replied.  
  
"Well just because we've defeated Voldemort we think we can take on the world do we?" I asked sarcastically.  
  
Harry shot me a dirty look, but he didn't hesitate. A moment later I heard him calling from down the hole. "Ron- send Lockhart now."  
  
"You know-" I began, but Ron was pointing his wand at me. I decided that there had to be some way to get that wand and then I would be the one to rid the school of the monster. I was already thinking about the front cover of my book- I'd be battling a big scary monster, a look of cool, calm determination on my face. I took a deep breath and then jumped down the hole. Harry was already walking around and I noticed a lot of rat bones before Ron came down.  
  
"Yuck." He muttered.  
  
"Ron you stay here with Lockhart- I'm going to find Ginny and get her back." Harry said.  
  
Ron didn't reply- instead he was staring up ahead at something. "It's a snake skin. And a bloody big one by the look of it."  
  
"The basilisk." Harry muttered. "It must mean we're getting close."  
  
"Basilisk?" I asked.  
  
"Honestly, don't you know anything?" Ron snorted. "And you call yourself a defence against the dark arts teacher? The Basilisk is one of the deadliest creatures in our world. A giant snake whose eyes alone can kill you."  
  
"Oh right, I seem to recall-" I began, but Harry interrupted me.  
  
"There's no time for small talk. I'm going." And he started to walk away.  
  
I made up my mind that now was my only opportunity: If I didn't do something now then the glory would go to the famous Harry Potter again, instead of the great wizard Gilderoy Lockhart. I stumbled and Ron and Harry both stopped.  
  
"For god's sake. Bloody hopeless." And he started to help me to my feet, but as he did I grabbed at his wand and pointed it at the two of them before either of them could respond. Harry's wand was still in his robes from when he'd jumped down the hole.  
  
"Ah," I said with a slight smile. "How the tables have changed now! I suppose you thought you'd get more books and more chapters in books written about you didn't you Harry? I told you from the very beginning I was more famous than you. I tried to warn you that competing with me was useless did I not? I tried on countless occasions to put you in your place, but you didn't want to hear it. You wanted to be the famous one. Sorry to burst your bubble boys, but this is my time to shine again- for full details read my published works."  
  
"Listen," Harry began angrily. "You don't know what you're dealing with. You don't speak-"  
  
"And I suppose a kid who hasn't even passed his second year yet knows does he?" I asked scornfully. "Sorry boys, but this is not going to happen." I pointed the wand at the two of them further and cried "Bindius." Ropes flew from the wand and secured both the boys tightly.  
  
"Please Professor Lockhart," Ron begged. "Please don't do this- we can handle this, we can."  
  
I laughed. "You've got to be kidding. You've read my books- or at least you should have considering they were assigned reading, so you know perfectly well what I am capable of. I shall return triumphantly soon boys."  
  
And with that I was off, down towards the chamber and the monster which dwelt within. I am not going to lie to you and tell you I was not scared, more than likely you have read some of my works and you would know that no matter what I have been up against in the past this was going to be my greatest challenge. I knew what it was now- a basilisk, but how to defeat it I did not know. As I walked away I thought about the two boys tied up behind me. It seemed only typical to me that they would want to take all the glory again and it annoyed me now. At first I had thought it nothing more than a lark, but now it was different. Well this time Harry Potter was not going to be the famous one, this time it was going to be me. I was off for my brush with a basilisk. 


	13. Chapter 12: My actions down in the chamb...

[A/N. In case you didn't read the last chapter, or the authors note on it I wanted to remind you again that the following events are those made up by Lockhart. After all, as he says in the Chamber of Secrets, the books were misleading, so of course his latest book, "BRUSH WITH A BASILISK" is going to be misleading too.]  
  
Chapter twelve: My actions down in the chamber.  
  
I took a deep breath as I walked down a tunnel. It was wet and cold, and I tried to remember a spell a friend had taught me a few years back about making a small fire come out of your wand, but I didn't want to alert the creature within the chamber. Behind me I could hear Harry and Ron trying to work out how to get out of the tight bonds they were in. I had both their wands in my hands.  
  
"We can't let him go down there." Harry was saying. "He doesn't know what he's going to face."  
  
"Let him." Ron replied with a snort. "He thinks he knows everything, so let him."  
  
I couldn't hear Harry's reply since I was already too far down the tunnel. At the end of the tunnel I saw a female form slumped on the floor, clearly unconscious. Ginny! I broke into a run, and knelt beside her. "Ginny, are you all right?" I asked. "It's Professor Lockhart, and I've come to take you back up to the school. I should think I'll get an Order of Merlin second class for this at least, maybe even first class. I'll be on the front of every paper and every magazine in our world."  
  
"Professor Lockhart?" A voice asked from the shadows. A young man stepped forward, and he was wearing a Hogwarts uniform although it looked as though it were fairly old fashioned. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"What are you doing here?" I countered. "I happen to be a Professor of this school. And not just any professor- I've got an Order of Merlin third class, I'm an honoury member of the Dark force defence league and I won Witch Weeklies smile of the year five times running."  
  
The young man raised an eyebrow, and then shrugged. "Where's Potter?"  
  
"Harry?" I asked surprised. "I tied Harry and Ron up so they couldn't get down here. They thought they could come and rescue Ginny and slay the basilisk. Tell me- where is the basilisk anyway? I want to kill it and get back up to the school."  
  
"Tied up?" The young man asked thoughtfully. "I was so sure it would be Harry who came down here. I was looking forward to meeting him."  
  
"You were?" I was shocked. "I don't know why there's all this fuss about the kid. So he's the boy who lived, so what? I've got an Order of Merlin-"  
  
"Yes, yes, you told me." The young man interrupted rolling his eyes.  
  
"Who are you anyway? I pride myself on my memory and I don't seem to recall you coming to any of my classes. Unless of course you think you're such an expert in the dark arts you don't need to attend classes." The thought made me frown. "I might have to fail you in that case."  
  
"My name's Tom Riddle. Tom Marvolo Riddle to be exact." The young man said slowly. "I'm a memory. A memory preserved in a diary for fifty years."  
  
I was confused. "What a boring way to spend fifty years." I commented, and he laughed, a harsh laugh.  
  
"Little Ginny's been writing to in it for months and months, telling me all her pitiful worries and woes: how her brothers tease her, how she had to come to school with second hand robes and books, how she didn't think the famous, good, great Harry Potter would ever like her." Tom explained with a strange look on his face.  
  
"Oh for heaven's sake," I exploded. "Another fan of Harry Potter. All he did was kill the dark lord. If I had of been given the chance I would have been able to do exactly the same you know."  
  
"Really?" Tom looked interested. "You think so?"  
  
"I know so." I said confidently.  
  
"You haven't worked it out yet have you?" Tom asked with a grin. "Voldemort is my past, present and future. I am Lord Voldemort, and it was through the diary Ginny has been writing in that the chamber was opened and the students petrified- I made her do it."  
  
I laughed. "My good fellow," I said. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think perhaps you're a little delusional. Hagrid opened the chamber, and Hagrid is in Azkaban."  
  
"Well how do you explain the latest attack- Ginny being brought down here then?" Tom asked, beginning to sound angry.  
  
"I have no idea how little girls work. Maybe she thought it would be fun to explore down here." I replied. "Now I hate to be rude, but I've got to slay this basilisk thing and get back up to the school. Do you know where it is?"  
  
"It won't come until it's called." Tom replied.  
  
"Oh." I said. Then I raised my voice. "HEY! BASILISK! COME HERE!"  
  
Tom started to laugh. "You really are ridiculous. The basilisk only comes to people who speak parseltongue."  
  
It dawned on me then. "Like Harry?"  
  
"Like Potter, yes." Tom replied.  
  
"Which is why you wanted to see him." I surmised.  
  
"Not exactly." Tom said, moving closer to me and glancing down at Ginny. "I've been wanting to meet Potter for a long time. I want to know how it is that a baby with no extraordinary magical talent managed to defeat the greatest wizard of all time?"  
  
"The greatest?" I asked, puffing my chest up slowly. "Are you honestly suggesting that Voldemort was the greatest? Did he have an Order of Merlin? Did he get a spot on the Dark Force Defence League? Did he win Witch Weeklies smile of the year award?"  
  
Tom snorted. "You think that makes a good wizard?" He asked me.  
  
"I do." I replied, my grasp tightening on one of the wands hidden under my robes (I always wear bright purple ones when I think I might be photographed after another triumph).  
  
"A good wizard, is one who is powerful. One who can command others to follow him. One whose mere name strikes fear into the hearts of everyone." Tom said.  
  
"Right." I said, pretending to agree. "You're a great wizard and all that."  
"I want Potter." Tom said. "I want to match the powers of Lord Voldemort, Heir of Salazar Slytherin, against the famous Harry Potter."  
  
"Understandable." I admitted. "He needs teaching a lesson sometimes. He was so bloody determined to be the one to come down here and get the glory for it, but that wasn't going to happen. Would you believe ever since I began teaching here he has been trying to prove himself better than me? It was really beginning to get a bit tiring."  
  
Tom looked as though he didn't know what to say.  
  
"Unfortunately," I added. "I can't allow that at the moment since I've got some work to do down here. Maybe at a later date we can arrange for a duel between you and Harry? I started a duelling club a little while back but something happened which stopped it, so perhaps this could start it. Although there are to be disarming spells only."  
  
Tom laughed, and it was a high pitched laugh, one that actually made shivers go down my spine. "You don't get it do you?" He asked me. "I don't want to duel with him- I want to kill him!"  
  
"Well.." I said surprised. "I think that could be going a bit far don't you? I mean, yes he can be a prima donna and all, but killing him?"  
  
"Could you honestly be any bloody thicker? I told you I was Lord Voldemort and I want to finally kill my enemy!" Tom yelled.  
  
"I heard you." I said mildly. "But as a Professor of this school, I cannot allow this."  
  
"And you think you're going to stop me?" Tom asked, an evil look crossing his face.  
  
I sighed and pulled out the wand. "Sorry, but there isn't time for that at the moment. I want to get back up to the school and out of here."  
  
Tom smiled then, and moved even closer to me. "Haven't you noticed something?" He asked.  
  
"You mean other than the fact that your hair is completely and utterly out of date?" I asked.  
  
"As Ginny grows weaker I grow stronger. Soon she will be dead, and I will be alive." Tom said with a laugh.  
  
I glanced down at the Weasley girl and realised it was true- she did appear to be growing even weaker than she was before.  
  
Tom turned then and hissed something, and all of a sudden there was a slithering noise and then the great snake appeared. I hurriedly closed my eyes- remembering what the boys had said before about how its eyes could kill and blindly pointed my wand. "Avada Kedavra!" I yelled pointing blindly.  
  
"You bloody git." Tom snapped and I opened my eyes slightly. Instead of getting the snake I had simply blasted a huge hole in the wall. "Don't bother trying to get out of this one Lockhart- the snake will kill you, and I will kill Potter."  
  
I hesitated and decided that my best defence was to run away. The snake would chase me then and give me time to work out what to do. (As those of you who have read my books would know this isn't exactly the first time that I have been in such a precarious position). I could hear the snake sliding after me as I ran. What to do? What to do? If only I had paid more attention in class when we had heard about the basilisk but that was so many years before how could they actually expect one to remember it? And then I stopped suddenly and pointed my wand over my head something coming to me. "Imperio!" I yelled pointing my wand at the snake. It seemed to try to resist my curse, but it couldn't and I made it turn and go back towards where Tom Riddle was standing. He tried to speak to it in what I could only assume was parseltongue, but it was under my complete control and it didn't listen to a word Tom said. He turned and ran away, but the snake raced after him and a moment later I heard a scream- the snake had caught him. "Avada Kedavra!" I cried again, and then the snake was gone and everything was silent in the chamber.  
  
Ginny groaned and then sat up. "I feel so strange. Like I was in a big dream." She told me.  
  
"You were." I lied. And then I helped her to her feet and we went back through the chamber to where Harry and Ron were still tied.  
  
"Ginny!" Ron cried with delight. "You're all right."  
  
"Thanks to Professor Lockhart." Ginny said, smiling at me in a way which was not exactly unusual to a heartthrob like myself.  
  
I performed the spell to untie the boys and we made our way back up to the school. Harry was strangely silent- I assumed he was jealous because I had been the one to solve the whole thing, not him, but he'd get his credit when I finally told my story- after all he did motivate me to go down to the chamber, and he did discover where the chamber was before I had the chance to go searching for it. Of course I would have found it the moment I went looking for it, but that's another story.  
  
Dumbledore was delighted to see us and he listened to my story silently. "Well, well Gilderoy, you surprise me." He said. "I would never have thought you'd be capable of this."  
  
"Haven't you read my books?" I asked. "I'll make sure to give you a signed set before I leave."  
  
"Leave?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
I glanced around. Ron and Ginny were sitting very close to each other and Harry was standing looking around the room thoughtfully. "Yes, I have to admit Headmaster that this was not exactly in my job description and to be honest I don't know that I want to teach in a school where things like this have happened. Of course I know it will be a great loss to the school and everyone will be in mourning for me, and it will be very hard for you to accept my resignation-"  
  
"I accept your resignation." Dumbledore said softly and quickly.  
  
"Well..." I managed. "I suppose perhaps I should go and finish getting my things in order whilst you counsel Ginny and Ron..perhaps Harry could help me so I could have a word with him?"  
  
Dumbledore looked as though he was going to protest, as did Harry, but then he nodded slowly. "Fine. Make it quick though please Gilderoy since I'd like to have a word with Harry soon."  
  
"As you wish." Dumbledore said and Harry and I left the room.  
  
Harry wasn't looking too pleased about being out of the room alone with me, but I had a few parting words for him before he left. "Listen Harry," I began. "I know you and I haven't exactly gotten along, and I understand the reason why. Being the boy who lives isn't exactly the sort of thing one wants to grow up with, and to be honest I think it's more of something you've got to grow into than anything. And grow into it you will, so long as you don't try to be too eager. I am aware that me being here was competition for you-"  
  
"Professor Lockhart-" Harry tried to interrupt me but I held my hand up to stop him.  
  
"and that you were constantly anxious to prove you were the better wizard- the one who was more famous, but really Harry what do you expect? You are a twelve-year-old boy and I am a lot older. You've read my books, you know what I've done and been through. Trying to take over in the chamber was nothing short of silly- you could have been killed for god's sake. Before I leave I am going to Dumbledore so he knows the true story and hopefully he will keep a keen eye on you in the future to make sure you don't go round doing anything stupid like you have been since my arrival. And one last piece of advice Harry: let the fame come to you rather than going looking for it. Nobody likes a show off- let alone one who is nothing more than a child." I finished.  
  
Later on, when I was packing ready to leave the school I hoped my words had gotten through to him, but I didn't think they would have. Harry Potter had shown himself to be someone who craved the fame and attention of the boy who lived, and my only hope now was that he didn't get himself into any danger. Although I was sure that without me being at the school things might be a bit different, as he wouldn't feel as though he was inferior and had to compete with someone anymore.  
  
In conclusion you've just read my "BRUSH WITH THE BASILISK" and I hope you enjoyed another one of my interesting adventures. It never fails to amaze me how adventures manage to follow me wherever I go. I am off on a well- earned vacation now and hopefully no adventure will befall me there.  
[A/N. This is the last "proper" chapter, but I thought I better make a few things clear since I stuffed up and have the feeling that somehow I managed to delete my authors note at the start which explained that this story evolved from my other one "Starring Severus Snape" in which Lockhart turned up again with parts of his memory coming back. Mediwizards were able to finally restore his memory again, and he decided it was only fair for him to write another story of his many "adventures" this time dealing with the basilisk and the chamber of secrets. The following, and final, chapter is something of a joke, but in my mind is something which Lockhart would do.] 


	14. Discussion Questions

****

Discussion Questions:

After reading _"Brush with a Basilisk"_ starring, and by none other than myself, I have devised the following discussion questions to help facilitate in your discussion of my book. It will also help you to understand some of my other many achievements in the light of this as a case study. As I am sure many students in many wizarding schools will study this text I believe this will be a helpful guide for the teachers in making sure the students understand the concepts. It will also be helpful guide for the students in that they will be able to understand the story better as well.

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"Brush with a Basilisk" specific questions:

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Question One: If you were in my position how would you have saved the day? Your answer must not correlate with what I actually did, and must include a detailed description of what you would actually have done in the circumstances I faced. 

Question Two: In your opinion did Harry Potter's jealousy have any basis? Discuss with references to my many achievements (You will need to read my collected works to answer this question, although "Magical Me" will give you a brief overview).

Question Three: Do you believe that there was anyone else in the school who could have been able to go down into the chamber, slay the beast and the memory and still live? Again references are needed as to why/why not. 

Question Four: Having read "Brush with a Basilisk" carefully who did you suspect as the culprit throughout the story and why? Include your reasons/references as to why you believed what you believed. 

My achievements specific questions:

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Question One: Which of my achievements up to date do you consider to be my greatest? In answering this question you will need to make reference to my other achievements should you pick "Brush with a Basilisk" in order to prove you have indeed read the other books!

Question Two: So far what would you consider my greatest challenge or obstacle in all my achievements? This can't be something like "killing the basilisk" or "banishing the banshee" but has to be a specific challenge I have faced in order to have done what I have done. 

Question Three: What would you consider to have been the scariest moment in all my adventures and why (Again this requires a reading of my other works in order to compare)?

Question Four: What honour do you think I should receive for all my vital achievements throughout my life?

Specific questions about me:

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Question One: If my hair was not the lovely color that it is, what color do you think would suit me best?

Question Two: What color robes do you think would compliment my good looks the best?

Question Three: If you were to give me a present what would you give me (and please do not answer what I have mentioned as my ideal birthday gift, or greatest wish in any of my novels, it has to be something unique)?

Question Four: Name fifteen different adjectives to describe me. Please try and include different categories, such as looks, achievements, personality rather than confining your answers to all of the same sort of thing. 


End file.
